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celebrity endorsements

chuck norris fights a giant squidChuck Norris: "Even my lethal roundhouse kick may not be effective against squidsquid, as he has no bones to break."

Tony Robbins: "Squidsquid.com will deliver the results you need, today. This dynamic, powerful new system seats you in mission control of your own life. Based on the revolutionary Cephalo-Squidistic Programming (CSP) method, squidsquid empowers you with the tools you need to accomplish your goals and realise your true desires. As the ultimate physical metaphor for your newly emerging mastery, you will freedive to depths in excess of 1000m below the sea. No longer held back by your fear of the deep ocean and poptarts, you will 'unleash the beast within', vanquishing whatever is holding you back from realising your full potential."

Paris Hilton: "Blah blah blah me me blah blah blah me. Me me me. Something about squid. Blah blah me. Me. Me. ME ME ME ME."

Mr T: "I pity the fool who does not respect the squidsquid."

Stephen Hawking: "The existence of dark matter in the universe can no longer be questioned: observation of squidsquid provides the empirical evidence."funny squid inside an atom

Jack Nicklaus: "I play the new SquidSquid XtraDisti SupaSweet Golf Thrusta 5000 driver with a patented FurthaFly 400 shaft. Squidsquid will benefit all golfers no matter what their level - from the weekend amateur to serious professsional."

Bono: "I still haven't found what I'm looking for, but squidsquid is pretty close."

George Foreman: "No longer will you have to cook your krill in a pool of grease. Squidsquid's patented grooves carry the run-off grease into a separate tray, leaving you with the best tasting crustaceans you've ever eaten. Cook a krillburger or grill seaweed alongside a sperm whale fillet. Squidsquid is the best fat-reducing, inexpensive, fast-cooking household item on the market today."

Stephen King: "A powerful new voice in the world of fiction has arrived. Squidsquid writes with the authority and ease of a seasoned author, while retaining the freshness and enthusiasm of the newly inspired. Squidsquid.com is a Tour de force: a first-rate bestseller that will keep turning the pages right up until the surprise ending."

Samuel L Jackson: "Squidsquid.com is like Finding Nemo meets Reservoir Dogs."


NB: All celebrity endorsements should be considered time-space conditional. Specifically, endorsements may have been uttered, may yet to be uttered, may have been uttered in a parallel universe, or may yet to be uttered in a parallel universe. Or they may be utter bollocks.